Toilet Humor 🚽 - Carney
The Daily Carnage

Toilet Humor 🚽

Potty jokes, SEO, and how to self-edit your own content.

Technical SEO for Content Marketers

Alright fam, don’t get scared by what we’re about to say. It’s not as intimidating as it sounds. Promise. Okay, you ready? Here goes:

Today, we’re going to learn a little bit about technical SEO. But don’t worry, it’ll be easy-peasy.

First, we gotta start by stating the fact that when it comes to SEO, simply writing great content is never enough. Sorry. If that’s your only SEO plan, you’re losing out on a bunch of other opportunities. Here’s what you should do to take advantage of those other opportunities:

Divide your SEO efforts between product and content. You should spend 50% of your time optimizing product pages, and 50% of your time optimizing content pages. To simplify this, sort through your pages and ask, “what query does this page serve?” Organize those pages into a spreadsheet. And then make sure your content isn’t competing for the same keywords as your product pages. If they are, decide which one is more important (it’s your product page), and tweak the other one.

Prune Your Site. This is a painful one. You’re actually going to delete pages from your website. Weak content and pages that see little to no traffic water down your site. Here’s what you should do to prune your site:

  1. Identify pages that haven’t gotten many views or conversions in the past year.
  2. Look in Google Search Console for pages that get impressions but not clicks. If you can improve clicks by tweaking the content, do that. If not, delete it.
  3. If pages with very few views also don’t have many impressions. Delete them.

Use Topic Clusters to Organize Your Site. We’ve mentioned this before. Google understands relationships between keywords. So if you want to rank for the keyword “car,” you also need to be talking about horsepower, windshield wipers, tired, brands, models, etc. You can’t rank for one thing without talking about the others. We

See that wasn’t so bad, was it? If you wanna learn more, click the button, and take the jump.

The Semi-Ultimate Guide to Self-Editing Your Content Like a Pro

Grab a notebook and fasten your seatbelts, this article is a wild ride. It’s the most comprehensive editing guide we’ve seen. Plus, it has a ton of kick. Seriously, this guy is a great writer. If you love reading this newsletter, you’ll dig this too.

The author guides you through the exact editing process he’s developed to greatly improve his own writing. “There are no friends, co-workers, or editors required — only you, yourself, and… you again.”

Some other dope things about this article:

  • The author includes real examples of content before and after the editing process
  • He’s turned the article into a downloadable checklist ←← ← (if you don’t have time to take notes) 

Let’s take it from the top:

1) Define your goals

Before you edit, ask yourself, “Why did I write this article again?”

Think of these two goals:

  • An audience-centered goal (“I want to teach my readers how to self-edit like a champion.”)
  • A business centered goal (ex. “I want to drive newsletter signups.”)

2) Start big

Before diving into the small details of your article, you need to ensure that its overarching structure and flow are solid. Think of Ann Handley’s “chainsaw editing.”

  • For example, 99% of the time, you can cut 60% (or more) of your intro, because it’s filled with “warm-up copy.”
  • Move on to the body and ensure your sections are (1) optimally ordered, (2) delete paragraphs that don’t serve your purpose, (3) ensure your sentences are optimally ordered, (4) inject data, examples, and quotes, (5) and look for ways to smooth the “switch” between your sections.
  • Conclusions, on the other hand, are unnecessary unless your article is super long or if there’s a ton of data inside. Otherwise, forget it.

3) Start editing with “surgical tools”

“Surgical tool editing” is the process of fixing the small errors in your writing, like bad flow, sentence clutter, and improper word usage.

To begin, strengthen your first sentence by shortening it or tickle your reader’s curiosity. Think, Ray Bradbury’s “It was a pleasure to burn.” Then, shorten the other sentences in your intro.

Move on to the body, and well… we’re gonna have to let the author take it from here.  Dive in, it’s well worth the trip → 

Flush to Conclusions

Say goodbye to the days of toilet paper brands calling on bears and puppies to convey their softness. Hello angora bunnies, bouncy castles, dolphins, goldfish—wait. 

Thanks to Droga5’s zany creative humor, Quilted Northern is taking toilet talk in a new direction. And, quite honestly, outshining their competitors’ bland ads.

Their latest batch of ads is based around a product insight: that it’s just really nice toilet paper. Each 15-second spot aims to highlight the craft and quality that goes into each product, with LOL-worthy examples and narration. There is a method to the madness though. For example, the dolphins are meant to represent strength and flexibility.

See what other toilet paper cliches are being flushed down the drain in today’s Watch.

“Give them quality. That is the best kind of advertising.”
Milton Hershey

Does that quote ↑ speak to you? We can bring that type of quality to your company. It’s what we do. Anything from design and branding to website development and marketing, we put quality first.

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